the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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