so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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