god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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