We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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