I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
