Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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