I just made out with a guy for $7.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
