Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
