hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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