I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A bitchslap is in order.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize