Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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