he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is wine microwaveable?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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