well you can't waste a boner
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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