so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
