I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
