do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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