Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize