dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Girls should come with a carfax report
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
