she was so not down for the gang bang
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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