No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
