if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
