So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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