Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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