8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
