Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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