i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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