Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
