it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
