I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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