You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
