you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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