chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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