Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
