I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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