Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize