oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
