i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
