Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
