These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
