From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
