You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
