you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my poor anus
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
