we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
