girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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