I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
