that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
