C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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