my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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