Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
