Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
