I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
