Kiss
Puke
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
