if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
