did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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