too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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