I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
