hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
