Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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