She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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