Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Success! We fucked roommates!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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