Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
