I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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