? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
