I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
