God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
