Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
