when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
send nudes
from the living room?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
