apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
