just come out here and I will go home with you...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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