Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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