I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
