My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Boobs speak an international language.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize