I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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