OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
