maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
