I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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