Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
