Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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