He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
