Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
