we have officially lost it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
